jo-tel - THE JO-TEL ... now in CAPS

From the Sigma Chi listserve comes this gem. I would do a running commentary but shit, this is just so fucking funny. Thanks Nick. Actually... there will be some commentary.

Hi Nick, I remember you from a couple Theta Chi parties, the brothers of Theta Chi sincereley invite you to our Spring Rush 2005. Below you can see our schedule of events:

Wednesday, January 26 at 6:00: Meet the Brothers
* Interact with brothers in a natural setting (natural setting?)
* Dinner and Games: Pool, Foosball and Ping Pong

Thursday, January 27 at 8:00: Blue Crush / Point Break Luau
* Hawaiian and Surfing themed night
* Movies: Point Break and Blue Crush (pff! mmph!)
* Tropical foods and drinks

Friday, January 28 at 6:30: Café Night
* Assorted foods and caffeinated drinks (mmmpf hee hee...)
* Music and Hookah

Saturday, January 29: Double Dare Challenge
* 12:30 to 4:30: Halo 2 Tournament (he heeAHHH HAHAHAHAHA...)
* 6:00: Top Dog Eating Contests
* Food and Prizes for both.

Sunday, January 30 at 6:00: Texas Hold'Em Competition
* Food and Registration from 6:00 until 7:15.
* $100+ in Prizes

Monday, January 31 at 6:15: Ghetto BBQuizzle M' Nizzle (AH HAHAHAHAH...)
* BBQ and Brown-Bagged Drinks (...HAHAHAHA...)
* 1st Annual Thug-Olympics Games (...HAHAHA-the NAACP will LOVE this I'm sure-HAHA...)
*Dice, Dominos, Paintball Shootout and Root Beer Bongs (...HAHAHAHAHAHA...)
* Prize for the most "Ghetto-Fabulous" attire (...HAHAHA-[dies of laughter])

Tuesday, February 1 at 7:00: Theta Chi Idol Karaoke Contest
* Food and Drinks
* $100+ in prizes for the most talented and untalented

Wednesday, February 2 at 7:00: Invite Only Dinner at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles

Hope to see you there! Feel free to bring your friends. Just come to the front of the house and someoene will be there.

Wow... I honestly don't know where to begin here... the horribly racist thug olympics where they will no doubt have stuff like a running from the cops race, or a pimp hand strength competition (see, it's so racist that me just assuming what type of stuff they'll have there is in and of itself racist). Have they so soon forgotten Ghettopoly? I can't wait to see the 90lb, Asian EECS major who wins your "ghetto-fabulous" competition for rocking a Judd Buechler jersey and some old Mardi Gras beads. Only one question: who's yellin' domino?

Or perhaps I should begin with the fact that they actually listed a viewing of Blue Crush, a film marketed exclusively to 13 year old girls, as a rush event. Hey guys, Kate Bosworth is hot. We all know that. But something else we all know, except for you I guess, is that Blue Crush does not appeal, on a cinematic level, to men of any type... except for you I guess. Heterosexual men would download still shots of Kate Bosworth and be content with those because still shots don't have shitty dialogue or a hackneyed "girls can do anything, YEAH!" storyline. Homosexual men would skip Blue Crush altogether in favor of a movie with hot dudes (like Point Break. Hmm.). All men of all types would laugh at you for being tools.

Or Theta Chi Idol. I bet that'll be really popular with the rushees. Guys LOVE American Idol! Oh! I call anything by Ryan Cabrera! Look. You could've at least called it Theta Chidol. At least that's clever. At least you would've gotten some points for that. [makes thumbs down motion]

It bares mentioning that all the non-alcoholic talk is bullshit, I know they'll have alcohol because every house does. But all this tongue in cheek, grab ass "root beer bong" shit is unnecessary. "Hey, we'll have beer too! wink wink!" Well... you'd better have a whole fucking lot of it. Good luck!

Posted by PETE 1/27/05 4:52pm

If I Had a Valentine...

Posted by PETE 1/27/05 2:09pm

The Ballerinas are Back...

in the Opera House. They are graceful. They are gorgeous. They will not acknowledge my existence. I look forward to 5 wonderful months of sidelong, disdainful glances and avoidance of eye contact. Ballerinas are the only women in the world who have the ability to make you feel like you're not even good enough to be looking at them, let alone interacting with them in any way. It really is quite impressive.

Posted by PETE 1/24/05 6:58pm

Hip E. is funny too

I'm posting something Hip E. wrote on The Network today because it is funny and he sure as hell wont post it. Here it is:

there are so many dumb-sounding crimes that people can be charged with. I
mean, if you kill somebody it makes sense that you would try not to get
caught, but there are crimes like "unlawful flight to avoid prosecution." I
mean, isn't murder plenty?

"You are hereby sentenced to spend the rest of your life in prison for the
murder of John Smith, plus two more weeks for stealing and drinking the
orange juice out of his fridge while you were cutting up the body, and
another year for attempting to clean up the bathtub with bleach."

Posted by PROXY 1/21/05 4:55pm

PETE's Biggest Ever English Major Dork Update!

We have a lot for all you English Major Dorks out there today. I've even included some tangential discussion of poo related issues (Section 4, for those of you who want to skip all the academic stuff)! Here there is truly something for everyone!

This subject just came up one day at work. No one had a difinitive answer so I decided I'd find one. Some grammar sites still adhere to the rules about among being used to signify part of a group or amongst being used in cases where movement or action is implied. However, I tend to agree with what seems to be the most common explanation: the words are completely interchangeable. Most rules about when to use what word were just superficially imposed after the fact by those grammarians and lexicographers who feel it's their job to fight a losing battle against redundancy in the English language. In actuality, amongst is simply the archaic, or the British form of among. Other examples of the hard T sound being dropped over time or over the Atlantic are amidst and whilst, and for these words the rules are the same, although whilst is pretty much totally archaic by now, and the only people who still use it with any frequency are Dominic Dunne and lots of Indie rockers...

Whilst researching this question, I found this cool site which lists spelling differences in England, Canada, and the U.S. Aluminium anyone?

2. Making nouns that end in "s" possessive: a total mindfuck

If you were to ask the average person with at least a K-6 education how to make possessive a noun or proper noun ending in "s", I feel pretty confident that most would say "you add just an apostrophe, not an apostrophe s." As I remember, this was one of those cut-and-dried rules of grade school grammar: you add apostrophe s unless the word already ends in s in which case you just add the apostrophe. I operated under this assumption all through college, never running afoul of any overzealous GSIs and, in this particular case, ignorance truly was bliss.

Then the Opera had to go and present an opera by John Adams, and my world came crumbling down around me. As one of the opera's resident grammar experts, I was forwarded an email from Claire, our Managing Editor of Publications, to the Marketing Department discussing a point of editorial policy, namely how to make possessive the last name "Adams". To my surprise, both parties agreed that Adams's was the correct phrasing. I was skeptical but I have learned from experience not to fuck with Claire when it comes to all thing English Major Dork. So I went online and tried to discover for myself the true rules governing possessives. So far, the only thing I have discovered for sure is that I was lied to in grade school. This is another one of those "Columbus discovered America/ white people and Native Americans got along great!" situations, to say the least.

For every site I found that emphatically restates the grade school rule of adding only an apostrophe, there is another site which states that apostrophe s is correct in every case, and yet another site which proffers some hackneyed explanation as to when to do what with which. It's filthy. One explanation I read was that you add the 's to words ending in s depending on how you would pronounce it when speaking. If the extra s would make the pronunciation awkward, you don't add it. Another was that you add the s unless the noun in question is a historical figure, like you would say Jesus' dildo and not Jesus's dildo or Sophocles' vomitorium, etc. Another site made a distinction between singular nouns ending in s (bass, mathematics) and plural nouns ending in s (lots). I like that one so here's the link:

http://www.writingcenter.emory.edu/apostrophe2.html

In fact, I discovered that even the simple adding of 's to nouns not ending in s is not sacrosanct. Check this:

Add 's to singular common nouns ending in s unless the next word begins with s: the bus's engine, the bus' seats, witness's answer, the witness' story.

What? I never heard that shit before. Damn.

However, my favorite explanation was this one, which admits in so many words that the whole issue is a total fuck ocean, that either way is acceptable, and that consistency is the only important thing.

http://webster.commnet.edu/grammar/possessives.htm

There's also a bunch of interesting rules governing specific situations of plural and singular that are interesting for dorks such as myself and yourself because if you're still reading this you're one of us so click the link poindexter.

So, returning to the original email that started all this: I must respectfully disagree with Claire and say that instead of using Adams's, we should cancel that particular opera and stay away from composers whose last names end in s forever. Amen.

I'm just copying this straight from my M-W Word Of The Day newsletter. This is one of those great "I can't believe there's a word for that" words.

Any English Major Dork will enjoy reading this amusing synopsis of the LSA's annual convention in Slate. However, ATTENTION!! POO JOKES FORTHCOMING!!, I'm just going to post this excerpt for all to enjoy (bold face type mine):

The Most Outrageous category is tricky; we never agree whether it's the word itself that's outrageous (typically for having some vulgar element, as in 2003's winner, cliterati, for "prominent feminists") or the concept (as with 2002's neuticles, "false testicles for neutered pets"). This year the strongest contender was santorum, defined (and heavily promoted) by sex writer Dan Savage-in a campaign to besmirch the name of right-wing Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum-as "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." We dismissed one potential problem-that newspapers wouldn't print the term if it won-on the grounds that we shouldn't censor ourselves. And indeed, in the afternoon's voting, santorum did win, but many newspapers simply skipped this category in their coverage. So much for academic freedom.

Indeed. Santorum. What a great fucking idea. This technique should be employed more often to undercut the opinions of assholes. In five years I want to have this conversation with someone:

Mr. X: No. She was on her period so there was a bit too much Gingrich, if you read me.

The longest word that can be made with Scrabble tiles is ETHYLENEDIAMINETETRAACETATES. Since the game board is only 15 x 15, this piece of information is particularly useless.

The highest scoring word known is OXYPHENBUTAZONE. Some dude showed us this at Royal Grounds one day. When played on one of the edges, it will score 1778 points. Obviously, since a player only has seven letters to work with, letters must already be down and none of them can be covering one of the three triple word scores. For example, the words "hen", "uta" and "on" could already be down, and the player would be able to make the word with the letters OBEXYPZ. This information is also useless, considering this would never, ever occur because no one knows what "uta" is and no one in their right mind would ever play "on" for a whopping two points... except maybe Inga (OHHHHHH! SNAP! I went there!)

Posted by PETE 1/21/05 4:40pm

Near Nudity Narrowly Nixed

If you know the Jo-Tel, you also know that we like to get naked in public... or at least Shark does. A normal night of public nudity usually begins with Shark getting bored. Because he's bored he decides to get drunk. Once he's drunk, he gets bored again and then he decides he'd be less bored without clothes on. But Shark can't get naked alone... I mean he can I'm sure but he usually tries to convince one or more other people to get naked too. Understandable I guess. If you're going to get naked you might as well grab another person so as to spread around the scrutiny of your exposed tiny man parts (I say tiny as no personal affront to Shark. Just, as a general rule, if you're going to get naked in public, trying to "rope up" is all but useless. This is the reason why every man cannot be a porn star. It's not the size so much as it is the ability to stay hard in front of a group of strangers, at the same time knowing full well that you will subsequently be viewed by millions more strangers, no one of whom will have the slightest problem staying hard. Nooge. When I'm on this tangent I should also make clear that roping up does not involve getting all the way up; it just involves slapping it around a little to achieve the illusion of added girth while flaccid. The myriad uses of roping up will perhaps be discussed in a later post). As Shark says, "The hardest part about getting naked is preparing for how small your junk is going to look." Indeed.

So there we were, at Tonic once again. Shark was drunk. So was everybody... especially Johnny D. Shark got bored and decided that we should get naked again. By "we" I mean Shark and I because no one else was up for it. I agreed for two reasons. 1) The last time we were at Tonic, we got naked. Or rather, Shark and Patsy got naked; I just pulled my pants down and walked around. 2) Thrill's Galapagos girl, Molly, was in town. We met her and immediately approved... mostly because she laughed at all our jokes. As Hip E. and I have discussed at length, anyone who laughs at our jokes is obviously of a higher intelligence than the average person... and is also very attractive. If you read this site and don't find it hilarious, perhaps you should return to your issue of Maxim and you Special Edition "Super Troopers" DVD, because we don't need your ugly ass. Anyways though, Molly had obviously heard lots of stuff about us while trapped on a boat with Thrill for two weeks (He's quite a talker, folks) and I felt it was necessary for the Jo-Tel to show and prove. We don't just talk a big game, feel me? So the plan was, well... the same plan as last time. Go into the restroom, get naked, leave clothes on the floor for Hip E. to collect, run naked through bar, run down Polk Street past lames and squares to the Jo-Tel, continue drinking. It was a good plan. I was finishing my drinks, psyching myself up, mainly because there was this one girl in the bar whose back was all tatted up and who I though was insanely fine and... did I mention your junk shrivels up? Shark was getting antsy however so I hurriedly consumed the last of my Malibu Coke and began handing off my personal effects - coat, cell phone, etc. - so as to expedite the getting naked process as much as possible.

Then Thrill spoke. Thus spake Thrill: "Dude, those three bar tenders have been standing in a group talking about you an pointing for the last minute or so." What were they saying? "I don't know dude, but they were definitely talking about you." Are you sure they're not all just hot for Johnny D? They are bar tenders, after all. "Yes." The bouncer had also conspicuously left his post by the door and was eyeing us suspiciously. In the end we had to abort because Shark realized that the guy bar tender had been the same bar tender from last time and whether they were really talking about us or it was just Thrill being paranoid (about 50/50) we decided it would be better to abandon the plan.

Also it's really cold in San Fran right now. I mean really really fucking cold and... did I mention your junk shrivels up?

Posted by PETE 1/18/05 10:15pm

The Difference Between Last Night & Most Nights Was That Last Night I Got Shived

Most people go through life without having the pleasure of being shived. That's a shame because it's really quite exhilarating. Last night the Puma stole into my room where P-Diddy and I were soundly and nakedly asleep. His presence at the side of my bed awoke me and, seeing me stir, the Puma said, "PETE has a message for you: There are no rules." Then he stabbed me in the ribcage with a kitchen fork. The fork smelled like Indian food. Then, as quickly as he arrived, the Puma was gone.

Posted by Shark 1/17/05 4:19pm

Friendster is Awesome

Okay. So maybe Friendster isn't useless. Maybe it is good for something more than posturing for strangers and finding people to go out on boring dates with.

Today, I was contacted out of the blue by a girl who I haven't seen in 13 years. What's even better: it was someone I was actually interesting in talking to! I know right? Meet Greer.

Greer was my grade school crush. I only had one grade school crush and she was it. In my box of photos and junk (is there an official name for this ubiquitous box? Everyone has one right?), I still have a Disney's Tailspin Valentine that she gave me in like 2nd grade. You remember 2nd grade, when you brought Valentines for everybody in your class and if you left someone out you got in trouble. So it wasn't like a special Valentine or anything, but I was smitten, so I kept it. I was so smitten in fact that I remember being too nervous to ever say more than 4 words at a time to her.

When all of us kids were going through our little "go out for a week and then break up and go out with someone else" phase, I remember getting a call from her asking if I wanted to "go out" with her. I became so flustered that I hung up the phone immediately and then justified my cowardice by deciding that it was probably Max and Todd playing a joke on me. Since after that I became even more shy around her, and even less inclined to string together a full sentence in her presence, I still don't know if it was a joke.

She moved away in 5th grade to Wisconsin or something. I talked to her on the phone once in 7th grade when she called my friend Peter's house after school. And I seem to recall seeing her at some point during high school, but the details of that one are vague, as are many details from high school during the period when I was first adjusting my brain to alcohol.

Anyway, my faith in Friendster is renewed. Now all that remains is for her to read the Jo-Tel and discover what a terrible person I've become (sigh).

Posted by PETE 1/9/05 10:06pm

I Am Destroyed

It was a sad, sad day in PETE's world Saturday. I lost a close companion and a friend whose been with me through thick and thin for 5 years plus. Here is the last known photograph of us together:

He's the rain-soaked Chicago White Sox hat on my head.

I lose stuff on occasion. The difference between Hip E and I however, is that I don't lose expensive stuff like cell phones, digital cameras, and actual money. I lose gloves, hats, and cell phone chargers. I just bought a sweet pair of Mountain Hardware gloves at REI the day after Christmas and lost them within a week, for instance. But this hat I bought my senior year of high school, after I lost my previous awesome hat, and I managed not to lose it or even misplace it for over 5 years. Considering how often I wear it, that is no small feat, especially when you consider how many times I've been fucked up beyond all anything. On this night for example, the beers Colin, Giles and I are hoisting cost 2 dollars a piece. We drank $116 worth and I did not lose my hat.

As you can see from the picture, the hat is pretty well worn. The brim is barely attached to the rest of the hat by a few remaining threads. The material on the front of the brim has worn away completely, exposing the black plastic within. There are multiple threadbare sections, including one on the back which has turned into a tear about 2 inches across. Also, when I bought the hat it was black. Not faded black... black. No poseur, Abercrombie short cuts were taken. I often received comments like "That is the most fucked up hat I have ever seen," which I always considered a point of pride.

The worst part is that it wasn't even lost by me. I made the mistake of letting a girl take it off my head and wear it. I figured it couldn't hurt, but I got separated from my friends for a while and when I finally located Emilie, the girl in question, she was outside on the street in front of the bar. She had lost her purse... and my hat. She didn't remember ever taking it off or giving it to anyone, which I found vexing. I asked around but no one had remembered seeing it and a thorough sweep of the bar turned up nothing... except her purse.

Emilie felt really bad about losing the hat, especially considering I had found her purse for her. She felt bad to a point that it was making me feel bad so I had to say stuff like "Seriously... don't worry about it. It was on it's last legs. I should get a new hat anyways. If my grandma finds out about this she'll probably buy you a car she hated that hat so much. I have tons of hats," when I really wanted to say "YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU LOST MY FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING EVER!"... but what would that have solved?

So thanks for the many years of head coverage, buddy. For keeping me dry in the rain, and for keeping the sun out of my oft-bespectacled eyes, and for hiding my receding hair line from chicks until it's too late for them to care. You'll be missed.

Posted by PETE 1/9/05 7:50pm

The Jouseguests: A Clarification

It has recently been brought to my attention that there is some confusion as to what constitutes a "Jouseguest." Allow me to clarify:

The Jo-Tel is a warm and inviting place, and not just to the people who are fortunate enough to live here. Many people, upon stopping by, cannot help but want to spend the night on one of our many luxurious couches, bed mats, or passed out on the bathroom floor using a stack of old US Weeklys as a pillow. Often times, if they're lucky, perhaps an actual bed will remain unoccupied, e.g. me having been in Chicago/NYC for the past 3 weeks or Hip E.'s frequent excursions to the lesbian stronghold of Rockridge to visit his lady friend... who has yet to succumb to the sweet taste of the Lotos Flower. The Vallejo-Tel, therefore, is not just a clever name - although it is also extremely clever. The original intention of the "Jouseguests" sidebar was to list everyone who had spent at least one night at the Jo-Tel, and also to give them a chance to tell their own side of whatever story from whatever evening in which they themselves participated. Obviously we have repeat guests, like Inga, Patsy, and Thrill. We also have our first floor peers, who frequently pass out in our flat while watching Top Gun or Last Of The Mohicans. But a Jouseguest is a Jouseguest. So I have added everyone within my recollection who has experienced the distinctive jospitality of the Jo-Tel. I have no doubt that the list will continue to grow.

Posted by PETE 1/9/05 3:31pm

Shark has

Posted by PETE 1/9/05 3:12pm

Shark means

that the last time he heard that one he laughed so hard he fell off his dinosaur.

Posted by Hip E. 1:30am 1/9/05

The Dudes from DFA79 Live in a Funeral Home!

We fill the room with noise by banging on chicks

The dudes from the up-and-coming noise rock band Death From Above 1979 live in a funeral home in their native Toronto. I wish I lived in a funeral parlor. And that I was in a critically popular noise rock band. But here I am. Wasting away at the Jo-Tel where my greatest claim to fame is my talent for drafting legal briefs and my ability to compile a kick-ass mix CD that nobody listens to because they're jealous that I can so effortlessly forge such a brilliant array of songs plucked from such diverse genres of music.

Also, the elephant trunks that DFA79 like to anthropomorphically superimpose on their faces apparently convey their opinion of themselves as the elephant in the room that no one notices. Hmm . . . last time I heard that one I fell off my dinosaur.

Posted by Shark 12:51am 1/9/05 (yes it's fucking Saturday night and I am at the computer, so what of it??!)

Pinch On!

This is one of my favorite parts of the book Gravity's Rainbow - please hold your applause till the end of the post. The website I ripped it off from instead of typing it out by hand ~~from memory~~ calls it: "Preparing For Sodium Amytol"...

TDY Abreaction Ward
St. Veronica's Hospital
Bonechapel Gate, E1
London, England
Winter, 1944

Tyrone Slothrop, Esq.
TDY Abreaction Ward
St. Veronica's Hospital
Bonechapel Gate, E1
London, England

(2) Smartass youth: Aw, I did all them old fashioned dances, I did the "Charleston," a-and the "Big Apple," too!
Old veteran hoofer: Bet you never did the "Kenosha," kid!

(2.1) S.Y.: Shucks, I did all them dances, I did the "Castle Walk," and I did the "Lindy," too!
O.V.H.: Bet you never did the "Kenosha Kid!"

(3) Minor employee: Well, he certainly has been avoiding me, and I thought that it might be because of the Slothrop Affair. If he somehow held me responsible-
Superior (haughtily): You! Never did the Kenosha Kid think for one instant that you . . .

(3.1) Superior (incredulously): You! Never! Did the Kenosha Kid think for one instant that you . . . ?

(4) And on the mighty day on which he gave us in fiery letters across the sky all the words we'd ever need, words we today enjoy, and fill our dictionaries with, the meek little voice of Tyrone Slothrop, celebrated ever after in tradition and song, ventured to filter upward to the Kid's attention: "You never did ‘the,' Kenosha Kid!"

These changes on the text "You never did the Kenosha Kid!" are occupying Slothrop's awareness as the doctor leans in out of the white overhead to wake him and begin the session. The needle slips without pain into the vein just outboard of the hollow in the crook of his elbow: 10% Sodium Amytal, one cc at a time, as needed.

(5) Maybe you did fool the Philadelphia, rag the Rochester, josh the Joiliet. But you never did the Kenosha kid.

(6) (The day of Ascent and sacrifice. A nation-wide observance. Fats searing, blood dripping and burning to a salty brown . . . ) You did the Charleston stoat, check, the Forest Hills foal, check. (Fading now . . . ) The Loredo lamb. Check. Oh-oh. Wait. What's this, Slothrop? You never did the Kenosha kid. Snap to, Slothrop.

Posted by Hip E. 10:38pm 1/6/~~2004~~ 2005

Comments:

Molly getting the nod of honorary Jouse Guest...solid.

Nice running�commentary PETE.� I about choked when I read the�Top Dog comment.� The only thing that could make their Ghetto Racist�day better was if they had a rapping granny.��

Hip E., your bitch would like a teddy.�� bear.

I meant indubitably.� My bad, I was spelling like Shark.

Pliska, okay.

Tit - from 'teat', which is derived from the middle English 'tete', which is pronounced tet, like the Tet Offensive. Tet sounds like a person with an Irish accent saying 'tit'.

Man Tit - derived from Walloch.

Asinine - from the Latin 'asininus' which they got from their own word 'asinus' whish means ass. So... yeah the Romans made the connection too.

Indoubetedly - not a word, you asinus.

Sorry Pliska you're right. In the future I'll stick to posting unadorned sections of super dense novels out of context. That is way funnier. Stay tuned next month for Chapters 4-7 of Infinite Jest and maybe, if you're lucky, some Faulknerian stream of consciousness!

PROXY, I think Hip E has a girlfriend.�

Don't listen to them PETE, I thought your english lessons were very interesting.�

Ladies, can you believe this guy is single?!!?

I agree.� I think the blog needs a gay buckle shoe story.� Or a survey about the gay buckle shoe.

Seriously, PETE, I live with big dork Pliska, but English lessons?� Bor-ing.� Unless of course you actually don't want any people to read your blog.�

And the 2005 award for most boring and uninteresting post goes to............PETE KEELEY!!!! for the English lesson.�� Seriously PETE, I'm a huge dork, and I even thought that was lame.� Please revert back to more posts concerning Johnny D and poo, Will and epic and legendary parties, near nakedness nixed, and Hip E and his inability to wash a dish.� Oh and me being sensitive or something.

PETE finds a way to slip�roping up�back onto the blog.� Nice.� Michael Powell, are you reading this?

THE JO-TEL ... now in CAPS

Oh... My... God...