"... - and then one night, around midnight, on the corner
of Lexington and Fifty-second, when you have come really
to the point of losing faith in the existence of such a crea-
ture as you have been imagining for yourself even unto
your thirty-second year, there she is, wearing a tan pants
suit, and trying to hail a cab - lanky, with dark and abun-
dant hair, and smallish features that give her face a kind
of  petulant expression, and an absolutely fantastic ass."

                                          - Philip Roth, Portnoy's Complaint

 

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                                Some Time This Century

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Email:  thejotel@gmail.com
Become a friend: profile.myspace.com/thejotel  

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THE JO-TEL IS:

Shark 

Hip E.

PETE

The Quail

Johnny D  

We get naked in bars way more than
you and you know what that means ...
We read Proust.

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FEATURES*:

Jo-Tunes
The Review Review
Slang Dictionary
InDQs
Gay Hour
Touch The Monolith!
Hey Crackhead

* features are shit-hot

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CURRENTLY READING:

Hip E.
 - Laurence Sterne, The Life and Opinions of
Tristram Shandy, Gentleman (1759-67)
 - Philip Roth, Portnoy's Complaint (1969)

Shark
 - Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum
 - Kevin Star, A History of California:
1840 - 1875. 
 - Paul Celan, Breathturn

PETE
 - Cormac McCarthy, Suttree

Johnny D.
 - Jean Luc d'Emo, Reel

The Quail
- Dave Eggers, What Is the What
- James Joyce, Ulysses
- Don Gifford, Ulysses Annotated 

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:

Hip E.
 - Neko Case, Blacklisted (2002)
 - Hip E., Pando Mix Rev. 0  (2007)
 - Rock Plaza Central, Are We Not Horses? (2006)

Shark
 - Richard Hell & the Voidoids, Blank
Generation  (1977)
 - The Kinks, The Village Green Preservation
Society (1968)
 - Silver Apples, Contact (1969)

PETE
 - Smashmouth, Greatest Hits vol. II (2004)

Johnny D
 - Television Personalities, And Don't the Kids
Just Love it (1980)
- The Blow, Paper Television (2006)
- The Magnetic Fields, 69 Love Songs Vol. 1,
2, & 3 (1999)

The Quail
- Carla Bruni
- Philip Glass, Glassworks (1982)

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January 06
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April 06
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July 06 
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November 06
December 06-1
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January 07

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MEET THE JOUSE GUESTS*:

John
Patsy
Linda
Jay
The Puma
Liz
Gabe
Merz
Tello
Jaskot
Tara
Cutler
Bock (kind of)
Pliska
Mini-Shark
The Goose (Carrie)
Bain
Fritz
Yahoo Serious
Laura-Lee
Fabulous L-Breeze
Saki
Kristin
Booby
Joe
Jonelle
Becca
Rebecca P.
Snake (slithering this way and that)
Matranga
Raphael (Little Mex)
Neva
Annie
Kathleen
Molly (honorary)
P.J.
Paul S.
Emily
Brew-Dogg
Reid
Reid's Girl
Downs
Some Chick who passed out
 on Shark's couch
Ross
Cameron
Mary (slut)
Miklos
Romie
Simon
Kubow
Becky B.
Walloch
John the Hippie
Stickler
Anna
Andrea
Ben
Lucy (dog)
Wilson
Lauren
JohnPatsyLady A.
Lauren's B/f
Jenny B.
Paul James (infant)
Beck E.
Lisa Says
Ben
Nick Martin
Caitlin
Melissa
Sosia
Riley
Nicole
Reid's friend (chiefed heavily)
Virginia

* A Jouse-guest is someone who has
   spent the night at the Jo-tel. 

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PAST PARTIES:

InDQ
Anti-Halloween
Anti-Anti Halloween
X-Mas in Mid-Nov
Beware the St. Ides of March

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 SF WEATHER PIXIE*:

* Weather Pixie does not work

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SHIT-HOT LINKS*:

Blogs

The PUMA
Rehab Star
The Sticklers
NoBrowMedia
Johnny D.
Becky B
Kyle
Cupcake Club
Evil Prom Queen
Johnwalsh
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Defamer
ThatsJustNotRight
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Music

Pitchfork
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musicREVU (badass)

Scrabble

Play Free Online
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Hey Crackhead

Hey Crackhead

Pics

* Links updated never

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I'm on the trail of a chocolate soda for
my wife.
                           - Charlton Heston (1924 - )

 

PETE and Thrill's Slang Dictionary

As every knows, Thrill and I are the kings of making up words that are cool or, barring that, of selecting the choicest words that other people make up and inserting them into our own vocabularies. Here I have compiled a short list of some of our most commonly used terminology as a reference for people who don't know what the fuck we're talking about most of the time (often an advantage). Thank you to the following people who we've stolen shit from: Raphael, Cimi, The Big Tymers, Nasty Nate, The Fat Jew, Condon, Detroit, and the Wu-Tang Clan. Word is bond.

Um... this isn't in alphabetical order or anything. Apologies to Samuel Johnson.

slamhog (noun) - a woman of questionable moral character. Also, one of debatable attractiveness. "Did you see the slamhog that the PUMA was talking to last night? Wow."

slamdog (noun) - a guy of questionable moral character; a guy who will have sex with any girl that comes his way, no matter how unattractive or how questionable her freedom from STIs. Alternately, a male version of a slamhog.

skeeo (noun) - a woman of unquestionable fineness; one so fly that you would consider the violent removal of one or more semi-necessary appendages in exchange for some touch. See also: skee-odelay, skeeyokohama, skeeoklahoma, Skeeyoko Ono, basically any word that begins with a hard O or a y-o can be converted to much drunken amusement.

Skeeobi Wan Kenobi (noun) - a guy that can get any woman; a total master of The Game Force. "Can you imagine what it must've been like to be Axel Rose in 1988? Oh, man, what a fuckin' skee-obi wan kenobi."

ridonkulous (adjective) - variation on ridiculous (which I recently discovered is spelled ri- not re-) used to describe the abnormally high quality of a particular skee-o. "That skee-o is ridonk. Damn."

Flyza Minelli (noun) - most often shortened to flyza, a synonym for skee-o, utilized to avoid redundancy in speech and writing.

breezy (noun) - a synonym for flyza, utilized to avoid redundancy in speech and writing. "Damn, is it cold in here? Must be all the breezies. Brr."

bidonkulars (noun) - imaginary lens which focuses only on the most ridonk breezies in any crowded setting. "If you're going down to SF Center on a weekend, don't forget to bring your bidonkulars or you'll be sorry."

periskeeope (noun) - imaginary lens used primary for starting at chicks' asses in nautical settings.

skeeodometer (noun) - calibrated measuring tool used by scientists to determine the relative amount of skee-o related activity in a specific location. [PETE opening April issue of Vanity Fair] "Dude, my skeeodometer just exploded. This more than makes up for this year's sub-par SI Swimsuit Issue, which I bought immediately upon hearing that that Mallory chick from Real World Paris (aka: the shittiest season ever) was in it. However, her pictures were not flattering, but that seemed to be the general theme in an installment that even managed to make Marisa Miller look beat (face only, obviously) in some photos, a feat which is EXTREMELY hard to accomplish. I mean, I'll still take it but it's no 2004 or 2002, both of which also made my skeeodometer explode. I go through a lot of skeeodometers."

domeination (noun) - the state of being domeinated. Derived from the term dome, which commonly refers to one's mind. To be mentally dominated is to be domeinated. "Today on The Network, Hip E was totally domeinated by Pliska and his frequent references to Mardi Gotesman becoming a lesbian shortly after their relationship terminated. She was also fat."

waaambulance (noun) - what one calls to come pick up a friend or associate who has become afflicted with a severe case of oversensitivity. "Uh oh! Somebody call the Waaambulance. Tell them to bring extra salt-countering medication, as the patient is also extremely salty."

gunk (noun) - to talk or spit gunk is to talk shit. “Oh, man, did you see those two homeless dudes back there? The one with the penny art was talking mad gunk to the guy under the quilt.”

carl (noun) - a dork. "The new intern is a total fucking carl."

neck (noun) - short for redneck, used to describe those members of the population who would vote to allow Intelligent Design "theories" in public school science classes, who think that having a giant statue of the Ten Commandments in a government building does not violate the Establishment Clause (if they knew what that was), and who would lose their shit if they saw Darrell Waltrip walking down the street. (Note: this term was brought into vogue by Hip E. on The Network rather recently but the term neck was also frequently used at my high school, though the etymology was different. In OP, we used the term "head ass", as a synonym for idiot that was derived from the phrase "having one's head up one's ass," which was later modified to "neck ass" which meant obviously having one's head far enough up one's ass for his neck to disappear completely into his rectum. This term was then shortened to "neck" once the "ass" became unnecessary for others to understand what we meant. Either etymology is acceptable, therefore, when referring to stupid necks who are more than happy to walk around with their heads up their asses listening to Rush but God forbid someone want to throw a cock up there or they can't get married. Fucking necks...)

wardy (noun, pronounced "whoa-dee") - New Orleans slang for a close associate, popularized by the Cash Money Millionaires. New Orleans is divided into different wards for police jurisdiction. These wards form the basis for a great deal of the local gang membership. Hence, a “wardy” is someone from the same ward as you are, and therefore in your clique. For example, Thrill is from the 13th Ward (recognize).

sauce (interjection) - Thrill: "Hey PETE, that chick just gave me her number." PETE: "Sauce!"

croutons (adjective) - good, nice looking. "That peach shirt you have on is croutons, G."

gnar gnar (adjective) - bad, not nice looking "I'm not going to Subway for lunch. That shit is gnar gnar, fuck Jared."

mook (noun) - a neck ass carl. "Sean Hannity is a mook. That guy in the Von Dutch hat is a mook. That guy dating [some chick I have no chance with but am still pissed she just started dating someone even though I have no chance and yes I know I just repeated myself and no this isn't about you] is a total mook."

zonk (interjection) - the opposite of a zing. You were always wondering, now you know.

Johnny D (verb) - to fuck something up. "You really Johnny D'ed that one, O.J. Simpson."

filth milk (noun) - somebody scratched this phrase into wet concrete on the southwest corner of Larkin and Grove. I read it and immediately cracked up. Then I called Thrill. If the person who wrote it didn't intend for it to mean semen, well too bad, because it means that now. "Walloch? Is that filth milk on your chin? What were you doing in there? NO I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU!"

Flash (noun) - acronym for Fat Lazy Ass Shit Head. Give it to one of your friends as a nickname. It's almost as good as nicknaming someone the Wej!

penisillin (noun) - The medicine one would administer to a slab who's too uptight. "Wow... what a bitch. Some one needs to give her a penisillin booster before her holio becomes fatal." Yeah... that example sentence really wrote itself. Wow. Good stuff.

vagylenol (noun) - the straight male and lesbian equivalent medication. "Johnny D why are you being so salty. We just sent you one email. Take two vagylenol and call me in the morning. Yes. You need two."

asspirin (noun) - given the context I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

Valerie Plame (adjective or noun) - Most often shortened to just Plame. Someone who is Plame is a combination of plain and lame. "That new girl at work is Valerie Plame. I hear she shops exclusively at Talbott's." No offense to Valerie Plame meant. Her last name just happens to be a great hybrid word. Plame derived from a conversation we were having about a certain girlfriend of a certain member of Sigma Chi who Rafael long ago likened to dating a bowl of plain vanilla ice cream. No cone. Not even the good kind of vanilla with the black specks of vanilla bean in it. Plain vanilla with freezer burn eaten out of a styrofoam bowl with a plastic spoon. Some guys like dating plain vanilla girls. Some prefer flavor and variety. For instance, Thrill is currently enjoying a scoop of Rocky Road and Shark has been known to sneak a double scoop of Chocolate Chunk. But I digress.

Johnnie 5 (noun) - often shortened to just johnnie. A Johnnie 5 is a guy who would, say, watch The War At Home by choice, instead of just downloading pictures of Kaylee Defer.

Or, say... this guy:

"Hey did you see Tello on Fear Factor? What a fucking Johnnie 5."

slab (noun) - we're not exactly sure what this means yet, but we like using it. All the Houston rappers use it. Mike Jones (MIKE JONES!), Paul Wall, Slim Thug, etc. Since we haven't figured out exactly what it means we just decided to make it mean hos. Slabs are hos until someone tells us otherwise. "There's a lot of slabs in this piece, but not so much in that other piece. These slabs are mad grimey, yo. Word is bond."

Damicles (interjection) - it's like saying "damn" only more historical. "My iTunes shuffle needs to stop playing Erasure songs. Damicles!"

CTFO GTFO (acronyms) - for Chill The Fuck Out and Get The Fuck Out respectively.    "Yeah I'm drunk. I'm drunk. So what? It's my house! I got drunk on my mother-fucking porch, drinking my mother-fucking beer. So what I'm drunk? If you don't like it, you can GTFO!"

notes (noun) - short for bank notes. "Those shoes cost mad notes."

downtown (adjective) - something that is downtown is good. These socks I just put on? Downtown. Pomegranites? Downtown. Kaylee Defer? Downtown. You get the idea.

herpes (adjective) - when something is not downtown, it is herpes. Herpes is the opposite of downtown. "That Kelly Clarkson song 'Since You Been Gone' is downtown, which is surprising since all her other songs are so herpes. She herself is also herpes..."

Arshak (adjective) - alternative to herpes. Some people don't like to call things that aren't downtown herpes because it maybe hits too close to home. So instead they can say Arshak. Arshak is the name of a really, really bad opera, which is pretty funny because if there were a good opera called Arshak that would be ironic. "Saying herpes is Arshak. I think saying Arshak is more downtown than saying herpes, which is herpes. I mean Arshak."

Poodarkeous (adjective) - Poodarkeous is the new ridonkulous. "That ass is poodarkeous!" Just kidding. To my knowledge we've never said this word. But we're going to start.

"I speak with criminal slang. That's just the way that I talk, yo. Vocabulary spills, I'm ill." -Big L